Waiting with Hope

The Advent Season is quickly coming to an end. Soon we will all be done with the running around to buy stuff, the cooking marathons, and the travel journeys. When it's all over, I will be tempted ask was it worth it, but all the work and preparation adds to the expectation of the season. We are all hoping for something good.

We look in the eyes of the children in our lives and we sense a sweet innocence in the hope of a good Christmas. Many of us have been blessed to open a gift. We feel the deep flash of thankfulness This new thing is mine. It may be a sweater perfectly knitted and holding its shape, a toy still in it's adult-proof packaging, a cool gadget, a flawless do-dad, or a promised experience like a movie to watch, a trip to take, or a game to be played. 

I admit that sometimes I feel as if I have matured past the hope of the holiday, knowing down deep that each great gift fades. The sweater will one day have a hole, the toy discarded for another, the gadgets and do-dads may eventually find a home in the attic. Knowing this, it doesn't stop my heart from aching for something good. 

This past year was a year of un-met expectations for me. We began the year thinking that the doctors had found the cause of our infertility, so with each month's passing our hopes of a family grew, yet we wait. I graduated with my counseling degree only to discover that I need to take another course before I can be licensed. So we wait as that requirement gets fulfilled. I dream of a healing community, offering rest, training, and hope for survivors. So I research and network, but I wait. In the waiting comes the questioning. Will I be a mom? Will I finally be a licensed counselor? Will a Pilgrims Dream become a reality? When will Matt and I finally be doing what God has called us to do? 

In light of all these questions, frustrations, and un-met expectations, this year I have experienced this Advent season differently. Somehow my ache amplifies my need for God's presence in my life. Then it hits me. Christmas is because of the world's ache for God's love, his touch, and his grace. In the fullness of time God chose to put on skin and show us who he is. He came to be with us as we wear that sweater out. He is with us as we give and receive, triumph and fail, play and grieve. He is good and He is with us while we wait. 

Merry Christmas,

Tammy 

Thank you for joining me in the journey of A Pilgrims Dream. Here are a few prayer requests for the coming new year:

• For wisdom in partnerships as I meet with people and organizations in our state meeting the needs of domestic violence and trafficking survivors. 
• Guidance  and courage to take the next steps. 
• Please pray for the process of recruiting a board of directors. 
• Matt and I, as we restart our journey to adoption. 

Sharing the dream...

Over the past 5 years, I have been speaking, training, and learning about the evil of Human Trafficking in our world and state. During this time I have met with amazing people and organizations all over our state. In addition I've been asking myself, how can I uniquely offer my gifts to the cause that can really make a difference? Also during this time it was made clear that it was time for me to finish my counseling degree. As part of my course work, I was fortunate to intern with three amazing organizations: Family Violence and Rape Crisis, The Art Therapy Institute,  and Hospice and Palliative CareCenter. Each of these experiences has shaped me as an individual, my understanding of survivors needs in our state, and how nonprofits work. Two years ago I began to dream of a place where survivors could come and develop community, thrive with support, and develop into who they were created to be. Now I've come to the place where I am researching how to make that dream a reality. My work with Not for Sale has challenged me to think outside of the usual non-profit mold and to create a system that can foster lasting change. So I am going to need people with various expertise to join in the effort, if this is going to work. If it is not to be, I pray that my efforts will be blocked and that God will redirect. If it is to be, then I am committed to seeing this vision through, until God shows me that this is not his plan. Just yesterday I met with a survivor of domestic violence who's eyes watered as she heard me describe my dream. She ached for a place like I described, a place for pilgrims, wayfarers, and ragamuffins. 

This blog is my first step in going public. Here I will share updates on the journey. There are numerous steps to be taken. Will this be strictly a nonprofit or will it be a for profit endeavor? Or somewhere in between? There is a board to recruit, land to obtain, facilities to design, and (sigh) funding to find. For those of you who know me I can be a fairly private person, but launching this blog is my attempt to create a culture of transparency from the beginning. If A Pilgrim's Dream ever accepts donations, I want it to be the kind of organization that demonstrates radical transparency that fosters a community. 

I do not know what the future holds, but I am looking for folks to pray with me and to watch for the author of history to write this new chapter. You can join the prayer team by following by email or subscribing to this blog. Thanks for taking the time and dreaming with me.